Poem Saturday

Tell me not, in mournful numbers,
Life is but an empty dream!
For the soul is dead that slumbers,
And things are not what they seem.

Life is real! Life is earnest!
And the grave is not its goal;
Dust thou art, to dust returnest,
Was not spoken of the soul.

Not enjoyment, and not sorrow,
Is our destined end or way;
But to act, that each to-morrow
Find us farther than to-day.

Art is long, and Time is fleeting,
And our hearts, though stout and brave,
Still, like muffled drums, are beating
Funeral marches to the grave.

In the world’s broad field of battle,
In the bivouac of Life,
Be not like dumb, driven cattle!
Be a hero in the strife!

Trust no Future, howe’er pleasant!
Let the dead Past bury its dead!
Act,—act in the living Present!
Heart within, and God o’erhead!

Lives of great men all remind us
We can make our lives sublime,
And, departing, leave behind us
Footprints on the sands of time;

Footprints, that perhaps another,
Sailing o’er life’s solemn main,
A forlorn and shipwrecked brother,
Seeing, shall take heart again.

Let us, then, be up and doing,
With a heart for any fate;
Still achieving, still pursuing,
Learn to labor and to wait.

Psalm of life by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Still in Mourning

Hi all, I’m still here and still in mourning. My nephew was a special guy. He was a courageous young man, an avid hunter and fisher. He was kind and considerate.

The memorial service was so hard for me to get through. It was beautiful and sad. My brother was broken up as well as my sister in law. There were so many pictures and memories of his life including his things. I was in awe of him and the way he lived everyday to the fullest.

After the ceremony I had to take a nap and then my mom took all of us out for dinner. It was a nice time to be with all my siblings. Sunday was spent with my brother and getting ready to come home. Our flight wasn’t until 6:30pm. We had time to kill so we went to the mall and I got my nose pierced (septum) in memory of my nephew. I also want to get a tattoo in memory of him as well. My niece did and I loved the idea.

So that’s all for tonight. Love and respect to you all

In Mouring

Today I’m on my way to Montana to say goodbye to my 16-year-old nephew. He was killed in a car accident. My heart and soul are broken due to this terrible tragedy. The pain is amongst unbearable. I used to watch him and his older brother in my daycare. We were very close. Please pray for my entire family and especially my brother.

Quote Sunday

“Bad things do happen how I respond to them defines my character and the quality of my life. I can choose to sit in perpetual sadness, immobilized by the gravity of my loss, or I can choose to rise from the pain and treasure the most precious gift I have – life itself.” – Walter Anderson

This is so true. Bad things always happen. Yesterday a very bad thing happened in my family. My 16-year-old nephew was killed in a car accident. It’s made me realize how much of a gift life is. I am devastatingly sad. I’m still in shock. I need to remember this is about more than me and my pain regarding this incident. My brother needs my support. I will give it to him wholeheartedly.

Poem Saturday

A Psalm of Life by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Tell me not, in mournful numbers,
Life is but an empty dream!
For the soul is dead that slumbers,
And things are not what they seem.

Life is real! Life is earnest!
And the grave is not its goal;
Dust thou art, to dust returnest,
Was not spoken of the soul.

Not enjoyment, and not sorrow,
Is our destined end or way;
But to act, that each to-morrow
Find us farther than to-day.

Art is long, and Time is fleeting,
And our hearts, though stout and brave,
Still, like muffled drums, are beating
Funeral marches to the grave.

In the world’s broad field of battle,
In the bivouac of Life,
Be not like dumb, driven cattle!
Be a hero in the strife!

Trust no Future, howe’er pleasant!
Let the dead Past bury its dead!
Act,—act in the living Present!
Heart within, and God o’erhead!

Lives of great men all remind us
We can make our lives sublime,
And, departing, leave behind us
Footprints on the sands of time;

Footprints, that perhaps another,
Sailing o’er life’s solemn main,
A forlorn and shipwrecked brother,
Seeing, shall take heart again.

Let us, then, be up and doing,
With a heart for any fate;
Still achieving, still pursuing,
Learn to labor and to wait.

Darkness

This image and quote is exactly how I feel most days. I look inside myself and I am scared of what I see. I have a darkness inside me due to the SRA, CSA, and being a part of a dysfunctional family. I know I need to find a way to move through the darkness so I can find the light. Peace and love to all.

So tired

I have been struggling with poor sleep for a couple of months. I am getting about 3 hours of sleep per night. The tiredness I feel is so invasive. It has taken over my life. I think my medications are to blame. My psychiatrist encouraged me to get ECT so I am looking at that avenue for continuing my healing journey. I’m so tired. Today I got 5 hours and I’m still so tired. I’m sick of this and am not patient with myself. I have to nap everyday so I lose time to work on myself. Here’s hoping I can get a consult for Friday.

With love and respect to all, I’m signing off for now.

Poem Saturday

 CINDY WILLIAMS GUTIÉRREZ“THE SMALL CLAIM OF BONES”

what my body knows
is not a lie it’s not
a lie i tell you it is not
it’s nothing short of truth
and nothing larger
my past lodges
in my marrow and if
i wanted a transplant
there’d be no match
others’ sorrows dwarf
my petty traumas still
these bones are mine
when they creak
when they moan
when they whine
there’s only one thing
i can claim these bones
are mine i tell you
they are mine and kind
to abandon no thing
that makes this pulse
no one but me

I love this poem. It really describes me and what I am going through.

What Is SRA?

Satanic/occult ritual abuse will also include acts which were listed under spiritual abuse and ritual abuse.

– Religion is heavily involved, mainly in the involvement of worship to satan, as well as including pagan rituals and witchcraft.

– The abuse that is part of the ceremonies involved with satanic ritual abuse is often quite severe, bizarre, unimaginable, and horrific.

– Sexual abuse is often done by several members of the group to an individual.

– Ceremonies of sacrifices is a very common, and frequent report.

– Victims may have experienced being buried alive, undergone so-called medical procedures and experiments, and/or had to prove their loyalty to the group by doing whatever was demanded of the victim.

– Sex is often a major part of many of the rituals involved and often will involve many different instruments, as well as other individuals, and/or animals.

– Psychological control and intimidation are often used to gain control over the victims.

– Victims may have been forced or threatened to engage in abusing others.

– Victims are silenced with threats made to the victim by showing, enforcing, or intimidating what will happen to others who have told.

– Certain dates are very important and observed in satanic ritual abuse.

When an individual has been a victim of satanic/occult ritual abuse, healing can take place. Overcoming the effects of satanic/occult ritual abuse can be difficult and challenging but with the support of a caring therapist, the healing can be achievable.

Satanic/Occult Ritual Abuse

The satanic panic of the 1980’s has really made it hard for those of us who were truly abused by a satanic ritual group. Because of this panic many therapists and the general public may not believe a person who states they have been abused in this way. It has made my trauma story really hard to find therapists and people who can help and understand what I am going through. SRA is real and there are survivors out there. We deserve to be heard. We deserve healing. I want to be able to speak my truth and not feel embarrassed by what I went through.0opht

Quote Sunday

“There is no timestamp on trauma. There isn’t a formula that you can insert yourself into to get from horror to healed. Be patient. Take up space. Let your journey be the balm.” – Dawn Serra

Trauma is a tough nut to crack. Some people can heal rapidly from a traumatic event. Others, like myself, take way longer. This quote is so important for those who have a loved one who has been through trauma or for someone just finding about a traumatic event from their past. One has to be selfish to be able to heal from the various types of trauma. I need to be patient with myself and take my journey one day, one hour, on minute, and one second at a time.